Last week, word came down from “on high” (whoever that is) that traffic in Los Angeles is the worst in America.
I am here to attest that the worst specific area for that worst traffic is in Hollywood during afternoon rush hour.
After leaving a commercial audition the other day the only way to get home was to travel through Hollywood. To drive 1.7 miles, it took me… wait for it… forty minutes!
Now while the traffic sucked, the weather was beautiful. So what did I do while literally sitting in the most iconic (if congested) part of America? I rolled down the window and took pictures, of course.
Above is the mural “Portrait of Hollywood” painted on the auditorium wall of Hollywood High School. Famous alums include such Golden Age stars as Judy Garland, Mickey Rooney, Carole Lombard, Lana Turner, and Lon Chaney, Jr. up to more recent stars like Carol Burnett, Lawrence Fishburne, John Ritter, Valerie Bertinelli, and Sarah Jessica Parker.
Next up on our tour through traffic is the Hollywood Museum, which is housed in the historic old Max Factor building. This is where Max Factor, Hollywood’s Makeup King, helped beautify such stars as Joan Crawford, Bette Davis, Katharine Hepburn, Jean Harlow, and Marilyn Monroe. Needless to say, Mr. Factor never got his hands on me.
At the corner of Hollywood and Highland, this giant billboard of Sophia Vergara drinking a Pepsi makes me want a soda… and an appointment with her plastic surgeon.
This vision of the Hollywood United Methodist church at the corner of Highland and Franklin is like a mirage in a desert. The freeway is now so close, yet still so far away. Jesus, give me strength!
And then, like a starving man spotting an In ‘N Out cheeseburger, I see it… The freeway…
Remember when I said it took me forty minutes to go fewer than two miles? Well, the good news is that by the time I do get on the 101, it takes me only thirty minutes to go thirty-five miles.
And that, class, is a lesson in the unpredictability of Los Angeles traffic.