Gym “Assets”

I’d like to welcome back Aging Gal’s resident gym rat and etiquette correspondent, our friend Q. Ever diligent about going to the gym, she has some courtesy tips for the rest of us:

The word for the week is “assets.” To the numerous ladies who think it’s okay to sit their “assets,” showered or sweaty, on public domain (gym benches and spa area furniture), it is not. That is where I sit and place my belongings. Please invest in a towel and use it! To the ladies who wear bathing suits in the public areas but have no intentions of swimming, please stay home because you’re just thirsty for attention. Just for confirmation, everyone does see your assets (and other areas that should be left to the imagination; see “camel toe”).

“Ass-ets”

Last but not least, because the seasons are changing, I think it’s important for women to know there’s a difference between workout attire, tights, and hosiery. The latter two should only be used for ballet, when wearing shorts, or, even better, left at home. Yes, they may look dark and dense in the packaging, but once you are wearing them they become diaphanous. We all┬ástill see the colors of the rainbow underneath and sometimes quite vividly the crack of your “assets” when you workout. Thank you for these visions now seared into my brain that no amount of therapy will erase. I’ll be sending you all my therapist’s bill.

Once again, Q, thank you for our etiquette lesson of the week. Personally, I’ll be placing my “assets” firmly on the couch…