Gym “Assets”

I’d like to welcome back Aging Gal’s resident gym rat and etiquette correspondent, our friend Q. Ever diligent about going to the gym, she has some courtesy tips for the rest of us:

The word for the week is “assets.” To the numerous ladies who think it’s okay to sit their “assets,” showered or sweaty, on public domain (gym benches and spa area furniture), it is not. That is where I sit and place my belongings. Please invest in a towel and use it! To the ladies who wear bathing suits in the public areas but have no intentions of swimming, please stay home because you’re just thirsty for attention. Just for confirmation, everyone does see your assets (and other areas that should be left to the imagination; see “camel toe”).

“Ass-ets”

Last but not least, because the seasons are changing, I think it’s important for women to know there’s a difference between workout attire, tights, and hosiery. The latter two should only be used for ballet, when wearing shorts, or, even better, left at home. Yes, they may look dark and dense in the packaging, but once you are wearing them they become diaphanous. We all┬ástill see the colors of the rainbow underneath and sometimes quite vividly the crack of your “assets” when you workout. Thank you for these visions now seared into my brain that no amount of therapy will erase. I’ll be sending you all my therapist’s bill.

Once again, Q, thank you for our etiquette lesson of the week. Personally, I’ll be placing my “assets” firmly on the couch…

Gym Etiquette in the New Year

As we embark on January of the new year, I want everyone’s motto who attends a gym to be “each one, teach one.” I have read many Facebook and blog posts and have personally observed much foolishness at the gym over the past couple of weeks. I am happy that people are trying to set new goals and be more active, but some need your help to take things a step further. Yes, I have had to lead by example, by telling a gentleman that he had a big ‘ole hole (in the crack) of his shorts while doing squats (shake my head at that). I’m not sure if it was intentional, but oh well, he was violating my retinas.

Here are some things to educate your friends, family or yourself on while attending the gym:

1) Learn how to use to equipment properly, so you don’t look or sound like you’re having sex with the machine or giving yourself a hernia.

2) Wear proper attire for what you’re doing (don’t wear short shorts when you plan on doing a leg workout, leave something to the imagination).

3) Extremely compressed garments are no one’s friends; ladies, say NO to the camel toe.

4) If you’re not going to work out & you came to look cute, stay your arse at home! This may seem funny, but it’s not a joking matter.

Thanks to our friend Q (“Itz Q To You”) for writing this very entertaining post! Maybe you’ll run into her at the gym. If so, be sure you’re not wearing something that will burn her retinas!