Superficial Things I Hate About Myself

I’m not getting all self-help with this list. No, Aging Gal is here to simply list blatantly vain things I don’t like about myself.

Numero Uno: My utter lack of directional sense. My sister, a geography major, got all those genes. I cannot tell you how many times, before cell phones or GPS, I had gotten lost driving in Los Angeles. You may say, “Aging Gal, this isn’t vanity or superficiality.” To which I say, “Have you seen a crazily crying, hysterically hormonal lost woman driver?” There’s nothing quite as hideous. Even if that driver is yourself.

Numero Dos: My Zero.

Oh, my, I'm losing my hair!

This refers to the bald spot in the center front of my scalp. Bitty refers to it as Zero because I can look like I have a Zero Mostel-esque comb-over. It is uber-attractive, especially in a woman. While I am grateful to my Anglo genes when it comes to having very little leg hair to shave, I was pissed to realize at age twenty-five that my scalp already had massive bald spots. My hairline was turning on me, and I didn’t even have a Y chromosome with which to rule the world. Talk about feeling gypped.

My Fright Wig

Numeros Tres: The hair I DO have left which is becoming increasingly wiry and gray. Let’s face it: I’m wearing a fright wig. This is good for Halloween, not so much for every other day. The unattractiveness of my ‘fro snuck up on me when looking at photos from a birthday party. Bitty’s brother snapped a close-up of my head. I still haven’t finished convulsing from the horror.

Now you may be asking, “Aging Gal, where are numbers cuatro through cien? You can’t be so evolved that you only have three complaints about yourself.” And to that, I say, I am definitely not. You see, dear readers, I could go on about my cottage cheese thighs or my belly that elicits questions of “When’s the baby due?” but I have vowed to keep my posts short. Plus, I’d like to hear about YOU. Please join me in using the comments to lambast your weaker qualities as well. After all, misery loves company.

12 thoughts on “Superficial Things I Hate About Myself

  1. I hate that I crack my knuckles and can’t break the habit. I also hate that I’ve passed this on to my kids. Your number 4? Ditto. I hate that I somehow can’t seem to eat right and I don’t even try. I’d rather starve than miss the holiday sweets, the Girl Scout cookies, Easter chocolate, etc. I’m not crazy about my beady little eyes, either. That’s all I can think of for now…

  2. I had the wiry grey hairs for a while, but as time passed this phase settled down and now I just have regular grey hair streaking rapidly through the brown.

    • Good to hear, River. I’m so repulsed at my wiry grey hairs, that I can’t take long looks in the mirror (not that I was ever that vain, but wouldn’t I like to have the option?).

  3. My total and utter cranky moods in the morning. I am so not a morning person. I am willing to try Ecstasy in the morning, just to take the edge off.

  4. LOL!! Finding the humor in our faults is by far the best way to do it. Loved this funny post! One of the things I hate about myself is, if I don’t stay active, my skinny self immediately begins to gain weight…but only in the vicinity of my belly. So, if I don’t watch it, I’ll be right along side you with the “When are you due” questions haha. Maybe I’ll get on Dr. Phill for being the first pregnant man…wait hasn’t that already happened?? ;D

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