Ladies and Gentlemen, this week I would like to speak to you about a hair-raising issue: gray hair “down there.”
It has come to my attention that hair in the area of the genitals (commonly known as pubic hair) is beginning to gray for some of us Aging Gals and Guys. I will admit that this is not yet a problem for yours truly. No, my predicament involves more the patches of desert on my scalp where hair once grew, but now refuses to bud. In fact, I’ve seriously considered transplanting bits of the robust curly cues from “down there” onto my head, but, as my head hair is straight and fine, I fear the mix would be not only noticeable, but disastrous. Sort of like the Titanic meeting up with the iceberg.
So back to you, my inquiring public. “What do we do about gray hair down there?” you ask.
Well, thank the lord for the miracle processes of the twenty-first century! From what I can see, options fall into two general categories: removal and coloring. Yes, coloring.
First, removal. This can come in the form of waxing (Men: Take notes from Steve Carell’s chest hair waxing scene in “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.” I don’t know about you, but if I had balls and cared about their intactness, I’d pass on this one. Women: See the episode of “Sex and the City” where Sarah Jessica Parker gets ripped virtually naked by a Brazilian wax). Shaving is tactic number two for removal. (But beware of ingrown hairs. I can tell you from personal experience it is an ego buster to take your pus-infected twat into the dermatologist for a tweezing.) Perhaps the longest-lasting and most effective form of removal is via laser. But ask yourself if selling your car is worth it, because I figure the price of laser hair removal is equivalent to the value of the 2002 Isuzu I’m driving around.
Secondly, let’s talk coloring. I had no idea! But in researching online, I found an article at About.com on “How to Color Gray Pubic Hair” with regular over-the-counter hair color. Perhaps my favorite parts of this commentary are where the author states (twice) “This is not recommended by health care/medical professionals.” Well, yee-haw! Lighting my hoo-hoo on fire for forty-five minutes. Don’t that sound like a Saturday night made in heaven?
Upon further investigation, I did find a hair-coloring product made specifically for our hidden grays: Betty — Color for the Hair Down There. The entrepreneur reveals that she came upon this idea while visiting a hair saloon in Rome and watching the colorist sneak a petite paper bag to certain clients for use at home. “For the hair down there… to make it match!” She realized there was no such product in the good old U.S. of A., and, viola!, now there is! These days anyone can be a “real” blonde or a “natural” redhead. Thanks, Betty!
So as the weather starts to warm up, and we begin to tackle Spring cleaning in our homes, let’s also attempt a little Spring cleaning down there. Surprise your husband, wife, or significant other with a little weed whacking or touch-up coloring.
After all, who couldn’t use a little sprucing up even in the nooks and crannies of our aging selves?
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