Gray Hair “Down There”

Ladies and Gentlemen, this week I would like to speak to you about a hair-raising issue: gray hair “down there.”

Hair Grays Down There, Too

It has come to my attention that hair in the area of the genitals (commonly known as pubic hair) is beginning to gray for some of us Aging Gals and Guys.  I will admit that this is not yet a problem for yours truly.  No, my predicament involves more the patches of desert on my scalp where hair once grew, but now refuses to bud.  In fact, I’ve seriously considered transplanting bits of the robust curly cues from “down there” onto my head, but, as my head hair is straight and fine, I fear the mix would be not only noticeable, but disastrous.  Sort of like the Titanic meeting up with the iceberg.

So back to you, my inquiring public.  “What do we do about gray hair down there?” you ask.

Well, thank the lord for the miracle processes of the twenty-first century!  From what I can see, options fall into two general categories: removal and coloring.  Yes, coloring.

First, removal.  This can come in the form of waxing (Men: Take notes from Steve Carell’s chest hair waxing scene in “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.”  I don’t know about you, but if I had balls and cared about their intactness, I’d pass on this one.  Women: See the episode of “Sex and the City” where Sarah Jessica Parker gets ripped virtually naked by a Brazilian wax).  Shaving is tactic number two for removal. (But beware of ingrown hairs.  I can tell you from personal experience it is an ego buster to take your pus-infected twat into the dermatologist for a tweezing.)  Perhaps the longest-lasting and most effective form of removal is via laser.  But ask yourself if selling your car is worth it, because I figure the price of laser hair removal is equivalent to the value of the 2002 Isuzu I’m driving around.

Spring Clean for Your Partner

Secondly, let’s talk coloring.  I had no idea!  But in researching online, I found an article at on “How to Color Gray Pubic Hair” with regular over-the-counter hair color.  Perhaps my favorite parts of this commentary are where the author states (twice) “This is not recommended by health care/medical professionals.”  Well, yee-haw! Lighting my hoo-hoo on fire for forty-five minutes.  Don’t that sound like a Saturday night made in heaven?

Natural Redhead?

Upon further investigation, I did find a hair-coloring product made specifically for our hidden grays: Betty — Color for the Hair Down There.   The entrepreneur reveals that she came upon this idea while visiting a hair saloon in Rome and watching the colorist sneak a petite paper bag to certain clients for use at home.  “For the hair down there… to make it match!”  She realized there was no such product in the good old U.S. of A., and, viola!, now there is!  These days anyone can be a “real” blonde or a “natural” redhead.  Thanks, Betty!

Newly Weed Whacked

So as the weather starts to warm up, and we begin to tackle Spring cleaning in our homes, let’s also attempt a little Spring cleaning down there. Surprise your husband, wife, or significant other with a little weed whacking or touch-up coloring.

After all, who couldn’t use a little sprucing up even in the nooks and crannies of our aging selves?



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12 thoughts on “Gray Hair “Down There”

  1. OMG! You cracked me up! Actually, I’ve found I have much less hair down there at age 66 than I did at 26. It’s probably because hair doesn’t grow in stretch marks!

  2. I’m passing my gray hair off as blond as long as I can. Then I will charge up my razor. Of course, removing the hair down there will take a lot longer than shaving my head.
    Thank you for the great post! It’s nice to know I am not alone ;-)

  3. This was hilarious! I’m not quite yet at the age where gray, even “up there” in my naturally blonde head full of hair is an issue, but trust me, when the time comes, my stylist friend will be put to good use… even for the hair “down there”

  4. OMG I know some people who will get a riotous laugh out of this one–and one of them did a blog not too long ago about a “hoo ha spa”! LMAO! Thank you so much!

  5. My wife waxed me once. She started at my chest and we made it all the way to my belly button before I threw in the towel. I’m not particularly hairy, and it still hurt like nothing else.

  6. To you gals out there with this topic on your minds: hmmmm…I don’t get it! When I think about Steve Carell’s chest hair waxing scene in “The 40-Year-Old Virgin, I think:’What a goddam DOPE!” Men who shave, wax, or otherwise remove their body hair are wussies. Hair is good to have.

    But I guess in our Marilyn Monroe-ized western culture women are supposed to be immaculate, hairless, perfectly smooth cream puffs, so I see this blooger’s point. I just sympathize. How do you tolerate the leg and pits shaving? It must be torture.
    I’m afraid, if in another life after this one, I return as a woman, I’m gonna have to be a diesel dyke with sideburns!

    Like they sang in the famous Broadway musical:

    “Oh say, can you see my eyes if you can
    Then my hair’s too short
    Down with here, down to there
    Down till there, down to where it’s stuck by itself.”

    Hair is good!

  7. heather, i happened upon your blog after writing my own post on aging….and having nowhere to put it, I’m emailing it to you. I don’t expect you to do anything with it.I just want to post it somewhere. Anybits, I v. much appreciate your viewpoint. nicely done. keep up the good work. ;)
    here’s my two cents:

    Words from the future to my younger self:

    You know how you feel now – so isolated and alone? Wishing someone/anyone would see you/hear you/recognize that you have value? That’s how it is, sweetie. You’re going to be feeling that for the rest of your life. Get used to it.

    And you know how you’re always chasing boys around the playground? Writing their names on your notebook…sometimes making up a name, just so people will think you have a boyfriend? How the ones you like always let you know they have a crush on someone else? That’s pretty much the way it is. You might as well give it up now because you could be spending the rest of your life looking for someone, and he never shows up.

    And then, there’s school. You never manage to get your work done on time. Everyone thinks you’re smart, but you’re really just scraping by. Too bad. You’re going to take those lousy habits with you throughout your life and it’s really going to fuck you up. I don’t know what to tell you about that.

    You think you’re kind of funny looking now? Well, you are. You won’t change much. You’ll never grow out of the “interesting” stage. No one is going to be coming after you for you looks, let’s put it that way.

    And friends. You never managed to figure out how to make it into the “in” crowd, and you won’t. You think you feel isolated now? Just wait a few decades. It gets worse.

    In fact, just about everything gets worse. You can try all you like, and G-d knows you probably will, but it never makes much of a difference. You’ll just keep doing the same stupid things over and over.

    So what can I tell you?

    Don’t try to please anyone else. They won’t be there when you need them.

    Start putting away your pennies, and putting cream on your face now. You’re not going to like what happens when you don’t.

    Don’t bother looking for love. If it finds you, you’ll be lucky. And if it doesn’t, you won’t have wasted years of your life searching for something that isn’t there.

    Try to find something you can trust and believe in.

    Enjoy what you’ve got now.

    It only gets worse.

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